Taking a slight hiatus from working on stuff. Sorry guys.

Been a tough couple of days.

Seperating from someone you love is hard. Especially when they've already emotionally detatched themselves from you but tell you they still love you.

Whatever.

I just want to focus on getting better. If I happen to find someone along the way that makes me feel happy, than great.

Ryan keeps teasing me. Saying we can be together if only I give up everything AGAIN and move down there. He won't even consider dropping anything to move up here.

People can be so selfish sometimes. He's too immature and has no empathy for my situation. He doesn't understand it. He does not understand that depression is a disease of the brain. He tries to minimalize my parents divorce by bringing up his own family past. He tries to make me feel trivial.

Then tonight he tells me that I am too dramatic for him. Maybe so. But maybe he's not dramatic enough? I've seen him cry before, and over the phone when he was upset we were so far apart. And now we're breaking up even though "we" don't want to and he's not even upset? He claims he is but I don't hear it. He's already planning on asking a girl from work to hang out, because supposedly "he doesnt have anyone to talk to".

I can't make any sense of him. He tells me that he understands why I left and that he just wants me to be happy... but then he gets mad when I try to explain how I feel and says he will never understand it? And that I fucked him over by leaving because it put him in a bad spot?




I don't fucking get people. I really don't. He never did ANYTHING romantic for me. When he came up here for the second visit I put rose petals all over the room, bought some adult...things (ROMANTIC THINGS...) and a bunch of roses...

The most he ever did was bring me 3 roses and some chocolate from the store on his way home from work. It meant the world to me. Never happened again. We didn't do ANYTHING for our one year aniversery. He just asked me where I wanted to go for dinner. I dont think we even did that.

Is it so much to ask for someone my age who isnt self absorbed and immature? Who wants a real relationship with romance as apposed to hanging out and happening to have sex?

I guess so.