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~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx:

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  • Status: Member
  • Long-Time Deviant
  • Female/United States
  • Offline for 2d 4h 46m 48s
  • Deviant since Oct 10, 2003, 10:25 AM
  • 7 Deviations
  • 53 Scraps [browse]
  • 4,093 Deviation Comments
  • 1,399 Deviant Comments
  • 313 Forum Posts
  • 20,715 Pageviews

Blah

Journal Entry: Mon May 5, 2008, 9:55 PM
Taking a slight hiatus from working on stuff. Sorry guys.

Been a tough couple of days.

Seperating from someone you love is hard. Especially when they've already emotionally detatched themselves from you but tell you they still love you.

Whatever.

I just want to focus on getting better. If I happen to find someone along the way that makes me feel happy, than great.

Ryan keeps teasing me. Saying we can be together if only I give up everything AGAIN and move down there. He won't even consider dropping anything to move up here.

People can be so selfish sometimes. He's too immature and has no empathy for my situation. He doesn't understand it. He does not understand that depression is a disease of the brain. He tries to minimalize my parents divorce by bringing up his own family past. He tries to make me feel trivial.

Then tonight he tells me that I am too dramatic for him. Maybe so. But maybe he's not dramatic enough? I've seen him cry before, and over the phone when he was upset we were so far apart. And now we're breaking up even though "we" don't want to and he's not even upset? He claims he is but I don't hear it. He's already planning on asking a girl from work to hang out, because supposedly "he doesnt have anyone to talk to".

I can't make any sense of him. He tells me that he understands why I left and that he just wants me to be happy... but then he gets mad when I try to explain how I feel and says he will never understand it? And that I fucked him over by leaving because it put him in a bad spot?




I don't fucking get people. I really don't. He never did ANYTHING romantic for me. When he came up here for the second visit I put rose petals all over the room, bought some adult...things (ROMANTIC THINGS...) and a bunch of roses...

The most he ever did was bring me 3 roses and some chocolate from the store on his way home from work. It meant the world to me. Never happened again. We didn't do ANYTHING for our one year aniversery. He just asked me where I wanted to go for dinner. I dont think we even did that.

Is it so much to ask for someone my age who isnt self absorbed and immature? Who wants a real relationship with romance as apposed to hanging out and happening to have sex?

I guess so.

  • Mood: Movingon
  • Listening to: Amy Adams- That's how you know
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 20
  • Current Residence: Issaquah, WA
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: LARGE LOLZ
  • Print preference: BIG LOLZ
  • Interests: Music, singing, movies, acting, drawing, painting, fashion, design, FOODS, fun times, WoW!
  • Favourite movie: Shaun of the Dead, Stardust, anything Tim Burton or Johnny Depp, Juno, Eastern Promises
  • Favourite band or musician: Currently listening to: Polysics + Oingo Boingo
  • Favourite genre of music: Anything but acid metal, country, and shitty rap music.
  • Favourite artist: Alphonse Mucha
  • Favourite poet or writer: T.A Barron, Al Franken
  • Favourite photographer: Lots.
  • Favourite style or digital art: Too many
  • Operating System: XP. ;.; I have gay as vista now...
  • MP3 player of choice: :O Mah ipod
  • Shell of choice: Something shiney.
  • Wallpaper of choice: Space
  • Skin of choice: Shiney
  • Favourite game: Final Fantasy anything and Chronocross/trigger
  • Favourite gaming platform: PS2
  • Favourite cartoon character: Cosmo from Fairly Odd Parents and Brian from Family Guy.
  • Personal Quote: OH FUCK I TOOK AN EXIT
  • Tools of the Trade: AWESOMENESS

deviantART Notice

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~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx: May 1, 2008, 11:35:08 AM
Thanks so much!! <3 :hug: ^^

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She wears shorts over her pants, fuck that excuse!
~kuro-shinzui-ookami:iconkuro-shinzui-ookami: Apr 30, 2008, 7:12:36 PM
Really cool gallery =D
I like your style

--
“Imagination is stronger than knowledge, myth is more potent than history, dreams are more powerful than facts, hope always triumphs over experience, laughter is the cure for grief, love is stronger than death.”
~Uno-Duo:iconUno-Duo: Apr 30, 2008, 1:35:32 PM
haha eat a baby! xD WITH PLEASURE if it's because of some of the madness that goes on here!

Yeeeah it's all for ourselves! ^____^ it's just nice to share! ;D
LOL you'll get outta it! ^_^

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ಠ_ಠ Jacob loves yo--Jacob please don't interrupt.
~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx: Apr 25, 2008, 2:22:41 PM
Awss <33 :hug: xD Sounds like me haha!

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She wears shorts over her pants, fuck that excuse!
~Violet-Grubs:iconViolet-Grubs: Apr 25, 2008, 1:45:24 PM
ha ha no problem, I kept meaning to do it but I kept forgetting >.<!

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oh dear
~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx: Apr 25, 2008, 1:39:09 PM
YES!!!!!

:O Danke for the watch! :glomp:

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She wears shorts over her pants, fuck that excuse!
~Violet-Grubs:iconViolet-Grubs: Apr 25, 2008, 12:51:34 PM
XD mesmerizing is such a perfect word for it!!!!!!!!!!!

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oh dear
~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx: Apr 25, 2008, 10:30:52 AM
I agree! xD AND I DO. ITS MESMERIZING!

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She wears shorts over her pants, fuck that excuse!
~Violet-Grubs:iconViolet-Grubs: Apr 25, 2008, 6:00:57 AM
XD that webcam is great i could stare at it for hours

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oh dear
~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx: Apr 24, 2008, 6:18:02 PM
I KNOW. Sometimes I see someone's art and I go GHAYGIYA WHATS THE POINT?! And then eat a live baby. :\

But what we have to remind ourselves is we arent drawing to impress them or to be like them... we just want our style to flourish and turn into something of equal magnificance! o-o we'll see if that happens for me. xD Ive been in a slump FO EVAA!

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She wears shorts over her pants, fuck that excuse!
~Uno-Duo:iconUno-Duo: Apr 24, 2008, 3:13:16 PM
haha so many times I get all EMO about it! xD because on DeviantART there are so many talented people that are my age but FAR better and that depresses me D:
LOL I dunno whether mine's natural or not, probably not, but I only started seriously drawing about two or three years ago, so who knows! D:

It's challenging isn't it? which makes it fun ^^

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ಠ_ಠ Jacob loves yo--Jacob please don't interrupt.
~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx: Apr 24, 2008, 2:51:33 PM
Yes!! >.>
OH its true!!

Yeah, sometimes I fall out of it and just go UGHUGHHG /stomps on own art... but everyone is an artist. I never had "natural talent"...xD I had to work really hard to learn anything in art, but I love it so I find it fun :D..most times..

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She wears shorts over her pants, fuck that excuse!
~Uno-Duo:iconUno-Duo: Apr 24, 2008, 1:52:48 PM
:lol: yay! I love using silly old phrases because people give you funny looks!
haha being progressively stupid over the last year?? I don't think so ;)

Too true! =D very good point! ^___^ I'm glad I can consider myself an artist again though (I left my old account for some stupid reason, lol!)

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ಠ_ಠ Jacob loves yo--Jacob please don't interrupt.
~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx: Apr 24, 2008, 1:50:11 PM
xD
Yes, now I have a new phrase to use and possibly impress people! I've become less and less articulate over the past year due to... being stupid. Haha, so... YES. AMMO...

:P Every artist has room to improve.. if we ever get happy with our work too much, we stop improving and changing! =D

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She wears shorts over her pants, fuck that excuse!
~Uno-Duo:iconUno-Duo: Apr 24, 2008, 1:47:46 PM
I have been PSSSHHHH'D and I fall silent xD
ah yeah I know that one - you have a new one to use now! ;)
Aww really? xD Only young - I got plenty of time to improve! =D

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ಠ_ಠ Jacob loves yo--Jacob please don't interrupt.
~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx: Apr 24, 2008, 1:40:50 PM
Pshshhsshshhshshhsh!!!!! I PSHHHH at you good sir! Maybe it is a native thing.... I use "Can't hold a candle to _____" or something. .__.; xD ANyway, BAH! I disagree! =P!

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She wears shorts over her pants, fuck that excuse!
~Uno-Duo:iconUno-Duo: Apr 24, 2008, 1:35:51 PM
oh ye haven't? D: maybe it is native! xD in a nutshell - it's not as good as yours xD

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ಠ_ಠ Jacob loves yo--Jacob please don't interrupt.
~xRachElbaGelx:iconxRachElbaGelx: Apr 24, 2008, 1:26:57 PM
o-o I've never heard that saying.... /drools on self confusedly

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She wears shorts over her pants, fuck that excuse!