My thyroid is messed up!

I was upset hearing about this at first.
My doctor told me that when I came in non-fasting that my thyroid was underactive/borderline normal. Then when I came in fasting it was definitely overactive. It also seems to be boosting my cholesterol level. So, I need to go in in about a week or 2 to get my blood drawn non-fasting again to see if it is underactive again and find a trend. Then, get a thyroid scan to see what's going on here.

I am in hopes that they can just give me a pill for T4 and I will be good to go. I know in most cases, it's an easy fix!

I'm glad that we caught it though. Left untreated, shit just gets worse. My symptoms make SO much sense. I'm really hoping that once I get on treatment for my thyroid that I won't need anti-depressants anymore ^^ That it was all due to my thyroid being funky.

Keep in mind people, THIS IS A VERY COMMON ISSUE. ESPECIALLY in YOUNG GIRLS. So if you haven't checked your thyroid level, make sure you do so! Catch it earlier than I did! It's better late than never though. If I went my whole life without knowing, i'd be miserable. I'd probably have heart problems and what not from it. So it's good that we caught it and now we can treat it!

Maybe now I can lose some weight and stop feeling so depressed!


D: On another note, I hate welbutrin. I've been on it for about 1 week and I'm feeling the side effects more than anything else. So, I'm going to stick to the lexapro. The welbutrin has been spiking my anxiety, which I will NOT deal with. Lexapro is more for anxiety than depression and welbutrin is for boosting energy for depression. I'm going to pause the welbutrin, see if the symptoms go away. If they do, then I'll know it's the welbutrin and I simply won't take it.
I feel pretty icky today. I woke up, annoyed due to landscapers outside making lots of noise with chainsaws and tractors and what not. e-e

But I felt kinda sick and sensitive to the heat (its very pretty outside!) I also instantly got anxious like I was doing before. I took some xanax and am now just trying to relax. </3 welbutrin. It better not give me any fucking withdrawl symptoms after only a week of taking it- Ill be so pissed. The withdrawl effects are even WORSE. You feel sick beyond all reason, you get "brain shocks"... you just feel like total shit.


e-e; And now my allergies are bugging me. I had this whole day planned out to take Lacey and her friend out and have fun but I don't even want to go now. I feel depressed and anxious and I don't know why.
I really think my thyroid is messed up, because I'm getting depressed even after being on medication for going on two months soon. Usually thats enough time to see a bit of improvement but something is setting me back. Hopefully it's the stupid welbutrin and that's out of the picture now.
I think its also making my hands shake a lot. If I hold out my hand it shakes terribly. Though, that could just be stress. Im so tense all the time.

x-x Anyway, ramble ramble. Gonna try and relax now!

I'm SO pumped

So Saturday I am taking Lacey to get her hair cut and bringing her friend Christine to come. We'll start out by having tea at the Tiger Mountain Tea company. I will get green tea, mmmm.

Then we'll go to the mall to wander around and decide what Lacey should do with her hair- then shop a bit I imagine.

THEN we'll probably get something to eat.. maybe some sushi? <3

And if theyre up for it, either go see a movie or rent some!

THEN THEN THEN!!!

Sunday I have a facial and a brow wax at Truce spa in the Westin Hotel in bellevue at 3:00 and at 5:00 I go back to the 7 Salon to get the black taken out of my hair and go back to a more natural color!

THENNNNN Next week I intend on starting up my massage therapy. I am starting to go on walks everyday (it was GORGEOUS today, I even ran part of the way!) then start curves gym again... then try hot yoga too! Or dance!




This is the first time Ive ever spoiled myself or taken care of myself. I have to say, I may cringe at the bill.. but damnit, if I don't spend the money on taking care of myself I'll spend it on damaging my stomach and body with shitty food and buying lots of CD's I don't need! So, here's to me! For once, im putting my money towards ME.

Well, 500 of it goes to Ryan for bills this month.

And I shouldnt spend too much...

BUT IMA HAVE AN AWESOME WEEKEND. YEEEHAWWWWWW!

Oh my freaking GOD I am SO jealous today

My friend Mary at work is going to L.A tomorrow to see a concert which is featuring MIYAVI as well as FIFTEEN or so k-pop/rock stars! HEE JUN IS GOING TO BE THERE. FROM H.O.T!! THE BEST KOREAN BAND EVER!!!!

;-; I told her to fucking take an assload of pictures and video for me. UGHUGHAUHDFAUIHDUAOHUD


T___T NOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


HEEEE JUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

/breath

MIYAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

/breath


WILLLSONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

wait...

Minus the last one.

Sort of.

I tell you. Feeling bad mentally sucks, but these physical issues are just terrible too.

Monday my back hurt beyond all fucking reason. Also my ribcage hurt terribly too for a short while. I took twice the recommended dosage of naproxin in a 24 hour period and probably pissed off my liver.

Ive felt hungry ALL THE TIME. Basically, my anxiety and meds are making me unable to stay asleep the whole night though I fall asleep as soon as I go to lay down.

Like.. monday morning (sunday "night) I woke up at 3 AM, realized I was really hungry... and had to go eat some toast or something to go back to bed. Then I ate a bagel in the morning and drank some hot chocolate and was full. Only a few hours later (lunch time) I was EXTREMELY hungry. I don't know if it was the hunger or something else but my ribcage hurt to the point of just... I couldn't even tell time. I went to go eat at a thai place and just got chicken and rice. From the time I ordered to the time I got my food, I had no idea how long passed. It felt like a few seconds. I scarfed down my food and slowly started to feel better. Then, by the time I got out of work- I was hungry again. Same story today (minus rib cage pain)

I did a bit of research and found out that when you sleep your Leptin level increases- which tells your body it needs to burn calories. So when you do not get enough sleep, your leptin level is too low. So your body tells itself that it is hungry because it needs energy. Not only that, but grhelin levels shoot up with little sleep which tell your body it is NOT hungry!

So, both of these combined- you feel hungry ALL THE TIME, because your body wants energy, and you're awake.. so that means food!

[link]
If you're curious.. I love howstuffworks! Awesome site!

Just thought I would share if anyone else is having that problem. I know my sister is. You're constantly hungry- or you cannot tell if you are hungry. You'll eat, and have a full stomach... but your stomach will ache as if it is hungry...
I need to get more sleep! I better try to get to bed early tonight. I think I am going to invest in a mattress pad. Maybe that will help me sleep better so I dont wake up every night and have interupted sleep! I also need to start working out- that'll help a lot!


I bought a bunch of new clothes today, new shoes... and yay! I went for a more simplstic, classy look than my usually craziness. Simple pants and shirt, chunky jewlery- that sort of thing! I also bought 2 pairs of flats and 2 pairs of heels.. the heals are so cool!

Anyway. I am going to get my hair colored...and also... get a facial! I am going to start my massage therapy hopefully this week or next... and hopefully my regular therapist calls me back soon ( I left her a message yesterday afternoon).. and last but not least, I have to go see my psychiatrist so he can go "cool, ramp up meds" and send me on my way for 225$ a pop (thank the heavens for insurance!!)


Im so happy with the support system at work. Everyone has been giving me hugs and greeting me and saying how much they missed me and loved me- even today.(yesterday was first day) But I still tend to bomb at the end of the day under all the stress. Which I dont want to do. Like.. Monday I was good all day at work, this day just half the day... I hope its sunny tomorrow! Maybe that would help me get through the entire day of work with a smile on my face!

Man this is all so hard to deal with. I feel like this turning point in my life is so important- but its almost stressing me out just to take care of myself. Its so awkward to me. :\ I guess I'll get used to it.. Maybe.




Anyway. Going to take a xanax and drink some water... take a hot shower and try to sleep. Guhhhhh~

You know, I never give my self credit for anything.

I do all these really nice things for people and I'm a really good person. But I never remind myself of that. I always need other people to remind me, and it shouldn't be that way.

I'll come out and say it now. Maybe I'll start to believe it. I am a good person. A REALLY good person. I am always worried over everyone else. I do random acts of kindness because I like to, not just so I feel better about myself and my ego.
I work my ass off at anything I do. I can never half ass anything. I always want to do well.

I act like it's not ok to be upset. When really, there are people who would handle my situation a lot worse than I am. There are a lot of people that would just give up. BUT NOT ME. Why? Because I'm strong. MUCH stronger than I ever give myself credit for. I have battled these mental diseases for most of my life and I battle them now WHILE having the most traumatic experiences of my life. And IM STILL GOING. Im still wanting to do well. Im still wanting to live life. IM STILL TRYING TO SEE THAT LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

I'm beautiful. I never let myself believe it, but I am. I don't need to be 120 pounds to prove it. I've got a beautiful face, shiney hair.. my teeth are nice and white. I have a great sense of fashion. No no AN AWESOME SENSE of fashion! I love everything unique.. because that's what I am! I'm not fat, im curvy! And what man wants a woman who can't even keep him warm at night? No one I know.

Im INTELLIGENT. Im incredibly smart. I know a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff. I am articulate and well spoken. I love to learn about new things and I love to teach others of what I have learned as well.

I am deep. I am emotionally deep. I get things on levels that most people never even think about. I dream up things no one else could ever dream up.

I am CREATIVE. I can create whatever I want whenever I want.

I am POSITIVE. Even in bad times, I am looking to the future!

I am LOVING. I give my love to everyone around me whole-heartedly, expecting nothing in return.



EVERYONE, I am an AMAZING PERSON. I'm learning to love myself so that you can love me to. I HAVE NO REASON NOT TO LOVE MYSELF.

I am beautiful. I am smart. I am kind. I am STRONG.




I will succeed. I promise you that.